from Touchstones: Stories for Living The Twelve Gifts -Reprinted with permission
Penny phoned from Oklahoma to share her story. For 20 years, while raising her children and managing her husband’s office, she felt there was something more she was supposed to do with her life. Like many adult men and women, she joked, “I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
One day Penny overheard someone ask her teenage daughter, “What does your mom do?”
“She runs,” her daughter answered.
“She’s a professional runner?” the acquaintance asked.
“Oh, no,” her daughter laughed. “She runs stuff. She runs my dad’s business. She runs our home. She runs me around. She runs everything.”
That was a wake-up call for Penny, nudging her to find her something more.
Penny spent months researching, reflecting, and praying for guidance. Her search for direction included going on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. There, she had an epiphany. For years, whenever Penny heard complaints about the weather, the economy, and the limited opportunities in her hometown of Muskogee, Oklahoma, she wished someone would help people appreciate the richness of their heartland community. In Jerusalem, Penny heard an inner voice say, Why not you, Penny? Everywhere is holy land. Penny decided to go home and do what she had wanted someone to do.
Even though she had no training or experience in television, Penny felt led to produce and host a morning show that would feature the talent, beauty, and strength–the gifts–of local residents. After writing a business plan, she met with a banker who gave her a litany of reasons why her inspirational, Oprah-like show would fail. He then stood to signal the end of the meeting and said, “I hope I have deterred you, Penny, because you won’t last a week.”
Choking back tears, Penny responded, “On the contrary. You have convinced me: I absolutely need to do this!”
So, Penny went ahead, funding the show herself, while she built advertising support to cover the expenses, which she kept to a minimum. She encountered many obstacles along the way and conceded that the banker was right… about some things. She was naïve; she made mistakes. But, she also learned.
“Most importantly, I learned how to tap into courage in order to be myself,” she said.
According to Penny, her first taped shows were awful. “I was stiff and fake, trying to be like Oprah.” But, when Penny did her first live show, she spoke from her heart and discovered the power of being herself.
One day, a jazz band was among her guests. Ten minutes before the show, in a moment alone, Penny heard a song forming in her mind–I’ve got the positive bluuuuues… I see the glass half fullll–and she laughed. A moment later, an inner voice said, Sing it on air, Penny. She had not sung out loud in front of others since she was a child. In fact, Penny confessed that whenever she sang in church, she did it softly, so she wouldn’t be heard by those around her.
Disregarding her past resistance to singing in public, Penny told the band about the song and asked if they would give her back up.
“We’re with you, Penny. Go for it!” they urged.
The show started. Penny planned to introduce the song after the break. But during that break, she felt a twinge of fear. So did her husband. In fact, he was so afraid she would embarrass herself, that he left the studio. His reaction led her to question herself.
I have a terrible singing voice. What am I thinking?
“In the past I would not have taken the risk,” Penny said. “And I almost didn’t. But suddenly I knew: I have to ignore the fear!”
In spite of her apprehensions, Penny did sing on air that day. She pushed through the fear. And when she did, she took another huge step on her hero’s journey in reclaiming her voice… this time quite literally.
As we ended that telephone conversation, Penny summed up her perspective on courage in a way that touched upon nearly all The Twelve Gifts.
“Each of us is a magnificent creation,” she said. “But we’re all so afraid to let people see who we really are. How often do we discourage one another, instead of celebrating our efforts? How often do we turn away from watching an awkward child dance? How often do we avoid eye contact when a person speaks nervously? Who said we have to have pretty voices to sing? In heaven, all our voices sound beautiful!”
Penny’s TV show aired for three years. Although the program never earned money for Penny, it provided enormous profit to her and to the community, as the richness of Muskogee was celebrated, just as Penny had wished someone would do. #
