SELF CARE WHEN WE'RE ALL IN

Whatever you do, always give 100%, unless you're donating blood." - Bill Murray

Haha. This quote is funny. But it is also wise.

In an unintentional way, Bill Murray's humorous quote carries good advice.

It's a positive and promising thing to be all in. But when we are giving a full commitment of ourselves to someone or something, we must safeguard our life energy resources for our own health and well-being. I experienced this more than 20 years ago but it wasn’t until a few days ago, as I was posting the Bill Murray quote on my social pages, that I had an ah-ha epiphany about it.

I was body, mind, heart and soul all in to something that I loved doing, but, in a way, it was like donating 100% of my blood. Without realizing what was happening, over the course of a year, I was allowing my life force to be drained. At the end of the work I felt full of joy but completely emptied of energy. I was also diagnosed with an advanced cancer at that time. It was a form of lymphoma that had no cure. No wonder I was so tired.

From July 1999 to July 2000 my husband, Frank, and I lived full time in a motor home, traveling throughout the lower 48 states, then flew to Alaska. Frank named that adventure “The Polished Stone Tour.” Everywhere we went, I offered a polished stone to every child and adult we encountered. Considering all the schools, shelters, recovery centers, residential homes for children, churches, bookstores, and libraries, along with a few hospitals and prisons, I gave away more than a ton of stones.

The main purpose of the tour was not to spread stones across America like Johnny Appleseed spread apples, but to spread awareness of the gifts and talents we all have. I did that by reading the 500-word story in my first book, The Twelve Gifts of Birth. and discussing the message in the wide variety of places named above.

The polished stones were meant to be keepsake reminders of the message of The Twelve Gifts, our time together, and the gifts within each of us, especially when we feel unworthy or worthless, like a plain rock. Inside, like the polished stones, we too have strength, beauty, and value. Like the stones, sometimes, we too, get tumbled by life. But we can keep ourselves well polished when we nurture our inner strength, beauty, courage, compassion, hope, joy, talent, imagination, reverence wisdom, love, and faith.

Frank and I certainly used all our resources and gifts to plan and do the tour. Forty miles into the 40,000 mile trip we got a flat tire. There were many challenges. The balancing jacks came down from the RV’s undercarriage while we were driving. We got them stopped just in time before they hit the road while we were still moving. Low clearance bridges forced detours. On our way to Salt Lake City, on the day of the first recorded tornado to hit the city, high winds ripped away one of our awnings. Pipes froze during a cold night in West Virginia. Water leaked through the roof onto a computer during a heavy rainstorm, destroying data. Email and phone service was spotty and undependable in those early days of cellular technology. Forwarded snail mail got lost.

Creating a schedule was hard. Following it was harder. Days were long. TV interviews were on early morning shows. Radio interviews were at various times. But I had to be sure to have dependable phone service for them. Mornings and afternoons were filled with visits to schools, shelters, and others community facilities. Bookstore events started at 7 p.m. Many times we did not get situated, hooked up, and in bed until after 11 p.m. Then, all too often - because campgrounds are often near railroad tracks - the roar, whistle, and thundering vibration of passing trains caused sleep-interrupted nights.

Fortunately, we were safe and could usually laugh at the adventure of it all. Always, the positives outweighed the negatives. Many other nights, when we were able to camp away from populated areas, we gazed at star-studded skies and pondered our place in it all. We appreciated the diverse landscape of America the Beautiful as we drove from place to place, crossing mountains, rivers, plains, and prairies. We appreciated the diversity of our American people too and how, in all regions, we connected in warm, heartfelt conversations about The Twelve Gifts and what we wish for our children.

Yes, it was challenging; strenuous; eye-opening; physically straining and emotionally-draining-yet-fulfilling. It was wondrous, exciting, and joyful. Actually it was among the most satisfying and miraculous times of my life.

Although we met thousands of people, I remember some of them very distinctly. I still have, pressed in a book, the four-leaf clover an eight-year-old boy gave me to wish me luck to do what I was doing. I still have a clear memory of the children, who, when asked which of the twelve gifts were most important to them, answered “the kindness one.” They couldn’t remember the word compassion but their hearts knew a lot.

Even though I was exhausted and had a serious cancer at the end of the tour, I would do it again. But this time I’d do it more slowly and with more rest. I’d do a better job of staying in touch with many many of the people we met. Along with discussing how we recognize our gifts, sharing stories about how we use them, and exploring how we can better bring them into all areas of our lives, I would encourage us to be kind to ourselves and one another. And when we give caring help to causes and to one another, that we take good care of ourselves too.